If your marriage is failing, what are you doing to spice things up and save your marriage from divorce?
There has been a lot of talk in the news recently about a book that is reigniting bedrooms everywhere: Fifty Shades of Grey is the title, and some of the controversy surrounding it is adding to its popularity.
In this blog, we’ll look at what you can do to spice up your love life with your spouse. Please keep reading…
What Do Men and Women Want in Terms of Intimacy?
Many marriages hit a dry patch at some point, and intimacy suffers. Or, if your spouse has had an affair, intimacy can be completely shut down as the affair victim works on healing from the horrendous pain of betrayal.
Marriage Sherpa did an intimacy survey in which men and women answered questions such as how they express intimacy and how they want intimacy expressed to them. Women and men had something in common: in addition to actions such as cuddling and holding hands, both use sex to express intimacy.
So if there isn’t anything happening in the bedroom, it’s a good indication that intimacy may be suffering.
Which is why a book such as Fifty Shades of Grey, which is erotic fiction, and traditional romance novels are so popular: they offer a fantasy of an intimate relationship between a man and a woman—something that both men and women crave. And, both men and women are reading it.
The controversy with the specific book I’ve mentioned is that some critics are saying that the female character gets involved in a relationship with a man who wants her to be completely submissive. I won’t enter the fray and go any deeper into that particular topic than to say that as a work of fiction—it’s fantasy. And if elements of fantasy can be utilized to build your marriage, your satisfaction with your spouse and your level of intimacy, then the use of fantasy in and of itself isn’t a bad thing.
And that’s the main takeaway: a book such as this is no doubt popular because it takes the individual outside of their day-to-day, humdrum existence and infuses a sense of passion. The trick is to take that feeling of passion and infuse it into your marriage.
Here are 3 tips for reigniting your bedroom using fantasy elements:
Tip #1: Read to Each Other
Pick up one of the old-fashioned “bodice-ripper” type romances, or something a bit more erotic, and take turns reading it to each other. You’re sharing time together, which is intimate, and depending on the book you choose, you may also share a good laugh or a little steaming up.
Tip #2: Caress Each Other—Avoiding Sexual Areas
What often becomes humdrum in a marriage is that couples go straight for the Main Event—and bypass the wonderful feelings of connection that can be accomplished by simply slowing down and enjoying one another’s body.
One exercise you can try is to have an evening where there is no Main Event. Instead, you will have simple touching of one another, taking turns, and agreeing to avoid all sexual areas.
Tip #3: Keep Making the Effort
Let’s face it: we can get pretty lazy when it comes to taking the time and giving the attention our intimate relationship needs. Some people place more effort into mowing the lawn just so or getting the dishes to sparkle than they do enjoying each other.
Agree to give each other time and attention in the coming weeks. And, if you’re working to heal from an affair, you may have a different starting point that is within your realm of comfort. This may simply be having a conversation with your spouse that doesn’t end up in a shouting match.
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